my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize