A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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