just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
