I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
