I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
