you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
