did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
