Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
