Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
