you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
