I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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