I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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