he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
