I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
