He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize