Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
