Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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