I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
