so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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