is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
