Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize