Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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