Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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