I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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