she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
