I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We have started to decorate penises.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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