You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
