She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
