um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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