Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
