how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
