Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
