Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
