My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
