I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
