fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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