wrigley field is MILF paradise
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize