watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
