One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
