I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
