I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
