is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let's get the cat blown out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize