who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
