i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
