I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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