My cat gives me a boner
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
