Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
