Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
