[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
