i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
