he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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