i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
