dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Drake has all the answers
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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