So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
