In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
