Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
