I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize