So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
