she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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