Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
