Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
