I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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