Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
