Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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