Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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