everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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