he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didn't notice because vodka
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
