I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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