11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
