I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
