before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
