nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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