I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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